Categories
Life Choices

Top 5 Regrets

A Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is about choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness. Love and Laughter Always! ~ John

Categories
Mindfulness

Mindfulness in Sport

To achieve optimum performance, athletes not only need to train their bodies but also need to have complete control over their minds. Professional players always seem to have a natural ability to create ‘mind over muscle’. What they are actually doing is playing the game mindfully. Having a mindfulness practice helps sports people increase their concentration and focus on their game. It’s about having the ability to see things as they really are without being influenced by mood, fear or other strong feelings. Regular mindfulness practice helps to enhance performance and will prevent burn-out.

Here are some mindfulness tips which will help you to compete at your very best in your chosen sport :-

  • Breathe easy:
    It’s vital for all athletes to get into a habit of mindful breathing. This is recommended whenever you start feeling stressed out, anxious or insecure. You should try and bring awareness to your breath as much as possible, especially before you perform. It’s important to be aware of the different thoughts coming into your mind, to immediately let them go, like cars passing your house. This will help you to remain calm, sharp and mindful.
  • Feel your senses:
    No matter what kind of sports you are in, you will get an opportunity for full body awareness. Suppose, you are running, you need to feel the moment to moment connection which your body experiences that includes discomfort as well as pain. The main challenge is to experience that level of sensation and experience its pattern. The mind will have a tendency to wander away – you need to use mindfulness to accept this, and bring your attention back to the job at hand.
  • Focus
    Sports people need to be intentional of what they are doing. It’s important to keep your focus, which is an essential part of mindfulness, and not let other thoughts interfere with your performance. Focus on the current moment – whether it is fitness training, a regular exercise routine or the actual event.
  • Enjoy common activities:
    Practise mindfulness even when you are doing some common tasks, like washing dishes, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, packing your sport-bag, getting ready for an event or simple walking up to a pre-destined area. Suppose you are travelling in a bus, all you need to do is take mindful breaths and start reflecting on the things which occurred throughout your day. This relaxes your mind and helps accept any emotions without fighting with them or trying to avoid them.
  • Practise with a fellow sport:
    How many times have you faced a situation when you simply wished to end a conversation with someone prematurely and move on? Well, why not start fully listening to what others have to say and then react very honestly to what the other person has to say. You will surely become a better listener and know yourself better, thereby building patience and better friendships too.
  • Analyse things calmly:
    You need to contemplate your body, feelings and state of mind. Focus on your breath, clear your mind and analyse different aspects of your situation mindfully.

Mindfulness in Sport is all about being fully aware, fully focused and stepping back from your thoughts and emotions! Love & Laughter Always! – John

Categories
ACT Mindfully

The ‘Willpower’ Trap

All of us, at times, fail to make important changes in our life, even though we know it would be good for us. And we’re all well-practised at coming up with reasons to justify it. And two of the most common of these reasons are ‘I’ve got no willpower’ or ‘I’ve got no discipline’. Our mind can easily hook us with these stories, and turn them into self-fulfilling prophecies. The fantasy our minds conjure up is that there is something called ‘discipline’ or ‘willpower’ and once we possess this thing, we’ll be able to start doing what really matters.

This fantasy is reinforced by everyday language: when we hear, ‘It takes discipline to get up early in the morning and go to the gym’, it sounds like there is some magic potion called ‘discipline’, and until we have this magic potion, we can’t get up early and go to the gym.

Unfortunately, if we buy into this fantasy, then we encounter one of two problems.

Problem one: we go off in search of the magic potion – reading books or doing courses to try and develop more willpower or discipline – instead of committing to action right now.
Problem two: we decide the magic potion is unobtainable, and we give up on doing what matters because we ‘don’t have enough’ discipline or willpower.

So let’s be clear: there is no magic potion; there is no chemical, hormone, gene or part of the brain called ‘discipline’ or ‘willpower’. These words are merely descriptive labels; they are ways of describing a pattern of committed action. When we say someone has ‘discipline’ or ‘willpower’, what we mean is this: this person consistently commits to acting on their values, and doing what is required to achieve their goals – even when they don’t feel like doing it.
Another way to put this is: actions come first, feelings later.

First, we learn to act consistently on our values, whether we are feeling good or bad, tired or energised, anxious or calm, happy or miserable, ‘in the mood for it’ or not.
And only after we have established the habit of acting on our values even when we don’t feel like it, will we feel like we have discipline or willpower.
Therefore, next time you notice your mind say, ‘I’ve got no willpower’, take a moment to consider: what purpose might this story serve? Changing our behaviour will inevitably bring up uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. So if we hold on tightly to the story that ‘I can’t change because I don’t have the willpower’, then it saves us from having to experience those uncomfortable feelings. In other words, our minds tell us this story to help us escape from pain. But what is the long term cost of buying this story?

So next time this story pops into your head, ask yourself, ‘If I let this story dictate what I do, will it take my life in the direction I want to go?’
Then ask yourself, ‘Am I willing to take action, to do what enriches my life in the long term, even though it’s uncomfortable, and even though my mind is saying I don’t have the willpower to do it?’
And if your answer is yes, then ACT: Accept your thoughts and feelings, Choose a valued direction, and Take action mindfully.

Thanks to Dr Russ Harris for this post. Love & Laughter ~ John

Categories
Life Choices

Show Up For Your Life

The way we walk into a room says a lot about the way we live our lives. When we walk into a room curious about what’s happening, willing to engage, to be flexible, to have an open mind and perceiving ourselves as an active participant with something to offer, then we have really shown up as our true selves. When we walk into a room with our eyes down, or nervously smiling, we are holding ourselves back for one reason or another. We may be hurting inside and in need of healing, or we may lack the confidence required to really be present in the room. Still, just noticing that we’re not really showing up, and having a vision of what it will look and feel like when we do, can give us the inspiration we need to recover ourselves.

Even if we are suffering, we can show up to that experience ready to fully engage in it and learn what it has to offer. When we show up for our life, we are actively participating in being a happy person, achieving our goals, and generally living the life we truly desire. If we need healing, we begin the process of seeking out those who can help us heal. If we need experience, we find the places and opportunities that can give us the experience we need in order to do the work we want to do in the world. Whatever we need, we look for it, and when we find it, we engage in the process of letting ourselves have it. When we do this kind of work, we become lively, confident, and passionate individuals.

There is almost nothing better in the world than the feeling of showing up for our own lives. When we can do this, we become people that are more alive and who have the ability to make things happen in our lives and the lives of the people around us. We walk through the world with the knowledge that we have a lot to offer and the desire to share it. Walk like there is a helicopter above your head pulling you up. This gives you a feeling of confidence and is also great for your posture, especially late in life. Try it!

Stay Positive. Stay Present. Stay Strong. Stay Smiling! ~ John

Categories
Life Choices

Benefits of Laughter

 

Health Benefits of Laughter: Stress Relief, Immunity, and More:

Research has shown that the health benefits of laughter are far-ranging. While more studies need to be done, studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity. Positive psychology names the propensity for laughter and sense of humor as one of the 24 main signature strengths one can possess, and laughter clubs are springing up across the country. Unfortunately, however, many people don’t get enough laugher in their lives. In fact, one study suggests that healthy children may laugh as much as 400 times per day, but adults tend to laugh only 15 times per day. (If you ask me, that is far too little laughter!) Read on for more findings about the health benefits of laughter, and see how to incorporate more humor and fun into your life.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.

Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you “have to laugh or I’ll cry”? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.

Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions in a more beneficial way than other mere distractions.

Perspective: Studies show that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a ‘threat’ or a ‘challenge’. Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as ‘challenges’, thereby making them less threatening and more positive.

Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Just as with smiling and kindness, most people find that laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

How To Use Laughter:

Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stress management strategies because it’s free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies:

T.V. and Movies: There’s no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theater and in the aisles of the video stores, as well as at home with T.V. comedies. While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.

Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you’ll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you’ll have jokes to reference at later times. Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings.

Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life’s frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it’s ridiculous, realize that you could ‘look back on it and laugh.’ Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you’ll find you’re less stressed about negative events, and you’ll achieve the health benefits of laughter.

‘Fake It Until You Make It’: Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. The body can’t distinguish between ‘fake’ laughter that you just start doing on purpose, and ‘real’ laughter that comes from true humour… the physical benefits are exactly the same and the former usually leads to the latter anyway. So smile more, and fake laughter; you’ll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter.

Love & Laughter Always! – John

Categories
Life Choices

Don’t Take Anything Personally

We normally assume that everything people say and do to us is about us. Thus we are conditioned to take what people throw at us personally. The truth is that everything people do is about them, and not us. For example, somebody may call us ‘a stupid idiot.’ Now if we take it personally, our ego gets hurt. We feel offended. Then we try to get back at the person who made us feel bad. We might decide to give them back a dose of what they gave us, and the conflict escalates. Or we might give them proof that they are wrong by attacking their beliefs and opinions with our own. Either way, nothing fruitful comes out of this and we end up feeling miserable. We waste our time, energy and mind-power because we decided to take what someone said personally.

Each of us is living in our own mind. Each person’s life is a completely personal dream. Each person’s dream is based on their conditioning – their past karma. When we take something personally, we assume that others know what is in our dream world, which is far from the truth. Even when the situation seems to be aimed directly at us, (like when someone insults us) people are simply acting out of their own feelings, opinions and beliefs, and it has nothing to do with us.

A good illustration of this can be observed from the responses to postings on my facebook page. Even though the posting is exactly the same, different people feel differently about it. Some people may agree and give praise. Some may partly agree. And some may completely disagree and criticize the posting. If I decide to take every response personally, then I would end up totally confused each time, as there will always be contradictions between one persons response and some other person’s response to the same post.

Also, the nature of the mind is that of duality. It is so common for couples to say “I love you” and “I hate you” to each other, depending on their dominant emotion. Which of this is true? When someone is in a good mood, they might say “What a wonderful person you are”. After a few days, when they are in a bad mood, the same person might say “You are such a dickhead”.  What can we take personally?

Thus:

If someone says we are fat, we do not take it personally

If someone says we are ugly, we do not take it personally

If someone says we are brilliant, we do not take it personally

If someone says we are stupid,  we do not take it personally

If someone says we are very wonderful, we do not take it personally

Even if someone wants to kill us, we do not take it personally!

It is totally up to us whether we choose to take someone’s emotional poison and make it ours. If we know that nothing other people say or do is about us, then we are completely set free. When we don’t take things personally, the need for us to get approval from outside is completely gone. We then find that our anger, jealousy, envy and sadness are gone. We will find ourselves to be more centred, more at peace with ourselves, no matter what anyone throws at us. Life is all about Choices!

Always remember: The key is to look at your thoughts for what they really are… just thoughts. No need to act on them, fight with them or try to avoid them. Take notice and let them go, like cars passing your house!

Love & Laughter – John

Categories
Life Choices

The Call

Once upon a time, an eagle’s egg was found by a farmer and mistaken for a chicken egg. The egg was placed with the other eggs in the incubator at the hen house.

Some weeks later that egg hatched. The baby eagle was raised as a chicken with the other chicks. Along with his chicken peers, he was taught to peck and scratch. He was made to scurry along the ground like the other chickens. He was sternly warned against flying, because chickens don’t really fly, they flutter and fall.

This eagle made a miserable chicken. He didn’t peck well. He hated scurrying because he was always feeling clumsy and falling. He was constantly hungry and irritable, because the chicken feed just couldn’t seem to satisfy him. The other chickens found him disruptive and odd.

After years of struggling to be a normal chicken, this poor eagle’s self esteem was pretty low. He hated himself. “Why am I so big, awkward and different?” he often wondered, “Why can’t I be happy like all the other chickens here?”

“Is this all there is to life?” he agonized, “Where’s the thrill? Where’s the flow?”

He began to do more and more disruptive things just to get a little hit of excitement. He was starved for action and adventure – he desperately craved in his heart that feeling of soaring – only he didn’t even know what that was – so he tried to compensate by making his own thrills around the chicken coop, causing drama and disturbances. Other chickens called him selfish, disordered and a troublemaker. The poor eagle took it all to heart, believed them and became depressed.

One day, high overhead the young eagle saw another eagle soaring in the sky. It took his breath away. For a moment he felt a surge of recognition. He felt something inside him stir. He felt more alive than he had ever felt before.

In his excitement he told his family of chickens what he saw and how he wanted to fly like that too. They scoffed at him. “Are you nuts?!” “You’re dreaming.” “Get real. Chickens don’t fly.” “You are being totally impractical.” “You can’t even cluck and scratch – and now you think you can fly someday!?” the chickens chided. “When will you grow up and join the pecking order of this chicken coop. Why can’t you be more like your peers? What’s wrong with you?!”

The young eagle was shamed and disheartened. He felt hopeless and alone as he fell to sleep at night.

Days later, to his delight, he spotted the soaring bird and this time it let out the cry of an eagle. The moment the young eagle raised by chickens heard this cry something unexpected happened. His body lurched uncontrollably – his entire being responded automatically to that eagle’s majestic cry with a powerful eagle cry of his own. He was astonished. “What just happened?!… Did that glorious sound come from me? Chickens don’t make that sound! Only eagles do… Wait… Only eagles do!”

The young eagle, finally aware of what he truly was, for the first time stretched out his wings and flew. Before he knew it he was soaring. He was no longer imprisoned by the chicken coop, because he was no longer imprisoned by the idea that he had to be a chicken. Nothing could contain him anymore.

A chicken coop can only coop up chickens; it cannot stop an eagle from soaring – especially once they hear their call.

Have you heard your call?

Maybe this is it…

Thanks to wayseernews.com for this inspirational story.

Categories
Life Choices

Faulty Thinking

These are descriptions of the common types of faulty thinking, all of which can be improved or eliminated with a Mindful practise.

  1. All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
  2. Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
  3. Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolours the entire beaker of water.
  4. Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
  5. Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
    1. Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don’t bother to check it out.
    2. The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
  6. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your stuff-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
  7. Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
  8. Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
  9. Labelling and mislabelling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behaviour rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, “He’s a bloody idiot.” Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly coloured and emotionally loaded.
  10. Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.
Categories
Mindfulness

How ya’ goin mate?

‘How ya’ goin mate?’ ‘Good, and you?’ ‘Not too bad’ This is a typical Australian verbal exchange when meeting and greeting. I am continually amazed how so many people are positive on the outside but actually suffering on the inside. Fear is what stops people from sharing their true feelings. Fear about what people might think, fear of being judged, fear of appearing weak, fear of being different or fear of just about anything you can think of. Fear is what keeps people ‘stuck.’ Are you ‘stuck?’

Dale Carnegie said “Fear doesn’t exist anywhere… except in the mind.” A Mindfulness practise releases those fears because you learn to accept your thoughts for what they really are… just thoughts. You learn to simply let them go… like cars passing your house. The end result is more meaningful relationships with your loved ones, your friends and work mates. When someone says ‘How ya’ goin mate’, you’ll be ‘fair dinkum’ when you say ‘Good, and you?’

Categories
Life Choices

Are You Ready To Change Your Life?

 

10 Ways to Know For Sure

1. You’re tired.
This isn’t just a sleepy feeling when you lay down for bed at night, but an ongoing sense of tiredness throughout the day. It’s as if no matter how much sleep you actually get, your reserve energy to face the day is always low or missing.

2. You’re frustrated.
You want the feeling of unsettledness to go away so you can just “show up” and do what needs to be done. When other people don’t do their part, or prevent you from doing yours, you grow even more frustrated by the situation. You may even fail to understand why it bothers you so much.

3. You’re stressed.
Not just stressed, but over-stressed. You can be fine, doing your thing at home or work, and then something goes slightly wrong. And you find yourself going from fine to extremely stressed in an instant. This is over-stressed, when you teeter on the edge between fine and not fine.

4. You’re desperate.
You just want it to work without anything having to change. You think to yourself, “if only such and such would do this then everything would be fine.” All of your focus is placed on altering the external circumstances around you instead of the actions you could take to make things different.

5. You’re full of regret.
You have a negative internal dialogue that reminds you far too often of all the past mistakes, failures, and moments where you didn’t quite accomplish what you set out to do.

6. You’re ashamed.
You don’t want the world to really see you. You don’t challenge yourself to step out from the crowd because then they can see the failure within.

7. You’re resentful.
You just want it to be different. If only everybody else would cooperate with the plan, then the standing still plan would work. Why won’t they just do their part?

8. You’re doubtful.
Deep inside, you know that standing still isn’t the answer. You know that you have to do something, to begin listening to the whispers that well up within your heart. But you don’t think you have what it takes to change. You don’t know what the answer is for what actually needs to change.

9. You’re fearful.
You’re scared. You may fail, you may end up worse off than you are. After all, life isn’t all that bad. You’ve got good things and good people—there are happy parts. Why then are the bad parts still so overwhelming?

10. You’re looking for an escape plan.
Perhaps if you just packed up and moved to a new town. Then things would be different for you. You could start over, no one would know your past history there.

A Mindful practise can eliminate any or all of these things. The way to change your life is to change the way you think. Make an appointment today!